Humour of Any Type

[ratty]

Adaptive AI ....

[ratty]

I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.

Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

When the priest came in, I said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

He replied, "You're on my side. Get out!"

[ratty]

[ratty]

[ratty]

[gridley]

Nov 3, 2024 22:13:50 GMT ratty said:

This is why I put in a few relevant quotes when I post a link. :-D

[missouriboy]

A long ways from Clara Barton.

Oct 19, 2024 23:04:17 GMT ratty said:

This just about sums up the madness of the past few years ....

[ratty]

[steve]

Oct 30, 2024 4:59:01 GMT ratty said:

I thought we were supposed to be eating less highly processed food.....

[ratty]

• I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me $40, so I gave it to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window. I bought it back for $15.

• My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday.

• My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert!
Doesn't it embarrass you?"
I said: "No, I keep telling them it's for you."

• My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

• Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.

• I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

• At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.

• I met my wife at a singles' night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.

• I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.

• Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

• As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

[ratty]

[Sigurdur]

[ratty]

Irate Wife

[ratty]

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Doug came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Doug."

[Sigurdur]